


Not Your Hanar With Tits

by Forlorn_Melody



Series: Rags To Ragged--The Times and Tribulations of Jane Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hookups, Jane Shepard puts the bi in biotic, Mass Effect 1, Sex Toys, pre-shenko - Freeform, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16227956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forlorn_Melody/pseuds/Forlorn_Melody
Summary: After being named the First Human Spectre, Commander Jane Shepard just wants a night off from the galaxy's responsibilities. More than anything, she wants to get off. Easier said than done. But maybe a chance encounter at the Citadel's new sex shop can fix that problem?





	Not Your Hanar With Tits

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has biotic-phobia as a very thinly veiled stand-in for biphobia, and bi-fetishization. Proceed with caution.

If most humans are shy around the Citadel’s finest selection of sex toys and novelties, Commander Jane Shepard is not one of them. She marches into _In Pure Rapture_ like she’s walking to the bridge of the Normandy and makes eye contact with the Asari at the kiosk. The turian standing at the counter coughs, moving out of her way.

“Hey there.” Jane leans against the counter in her civvies like she’s ordering her usual whiskey. “I’m looking for something particular.”

“And what’s that, Commander?”

Jane leans closer. “You got a Singularity on hand?”

The azure-toned clerk quirks an eyebrow and leads her to the Asari section of the store. “Now, have you used biotic toys before?”

Jane nods.

“So you know about selecting a frequency based on your implant type? Good. Telling your CO you fried your amp _and_ your pussy in the same night is less fun than it sounds. Let me know if you have any questions.” They wander back to the counter, and resume streaming Vayiena, with commentary, apparently.

Jane has two Singularity boxes in her hands when another woman speaks up next to her. “Pretty wild, huh?”

Shrugging, Jane glances at her. “No more wild than anything else in this store.”

“But a sex toy activated by _biotics???_ I can only imagine how _good_ that would feel.” Her blonde hair glimmers in the low-level light, and she stands just a few inches shorter than Jane. “Asari have no idea how _good_ they have it.”

Jane puts the box back on the shelf, making a note of it on her omni-tool. “Heh. Yeah. What stuff did you come here for?”

“Oh, you know.” She blushes, waving her hand. “Gloves and dental dams. The usual.”

Jane grins. “Big plans?”

The blonde looks everywhere but at Jane. “Not yet. Haven't found someone to use them on.” She dares to slide her eyes from Jane’s shoes to her head, taking time to admire the muscles and scars only a military career can provide.

Jane definitely did not imagine such an encounter when she walked into In Pure Rapture, but she can't help but find the woman's boldness flattering, if not intriguing. “Well, in that case…. Can I buy you a drink at the bar down the street?” Her heart races. _Say yes. Say yes._ Originally her plan had been to jill off in some cheap hotel room. An hour with the Consort has only served to stoke Jane's internal fire, and her latest crush is mournfully off-limits, and probably not interested. This? This might do the trick.

“I’d love that.” She chews her smile, twisting her hips back and forth. “I'm Cindy, by the way.”

“Jane.” She offers her hand, trying not to grimace at her own first name. The news of Commander Shepard's appointment to Spectre has spread like wildfire, and for once she would like to be known as a regular woman, not an Alliance hero. If only hearing her name didn't bring up so many memories of the Reds.

“Nice to meet you, Jane.” Cindy takes her hand, and they purchase some disposable gloves and flavored dental dams on the way out.

At the bar, Jane buys her usual shot of whiskey and a glass of ginger ale. Cindy orders a lemon drop martini. They sip their drinks and chat in the low light.

“I work in customs. It's so stressful and tedious, but it pays well.” Cindy brushes some of the sugar off the rim of her glass, sucking it off her thumb and watching Jane's reaction. “What do you do?”

Jane fiddles with the straw in her soda. “I work for the Alliance.”

Something sparks in Cindy's amber eyes. “Military, huh? What's your class?”

Clearing her to throat, Jane replies, “If you don't mind, I’d rather not talk about work.”

Cindy pouts. “Aww. One of those ‘tell me and you'll have to kill me sort of things?’”

 _You have no idea._ Jane leans forward, letting her cleavage show a bit more. “Something like that.” She wipes off the remaining sugar from her glass, watching Cindy as she slowly licks the sugar off her finger.

Cindy licks her lips. “What do you say we find something a little more private?”

Jane grins, downing her shot. “There's a hotel nearby.” She manages not to slam the glass on the counter.

Taking her hand, Cindy leans in close. “I can't wait that long.”

“Oh.” Jane’s mouth waters. “You have something else in mind?”

Cindy winks. “Follow me.” She pulls her towards the restrooms in the back.

Jane can't help but laugh. It's been years since she hooked up in a bathroom stall, but she can see the appeal. For one hour she can shrug off the responsibilities the Galaxy has bestowed on her. Right now, that sounds like the best thing ever. “Lead the way.”

They stumble into the first open stall, a tangle of limbs that lock the door together. Then Cindy's mouth is on hers and she tastes like sweet heaven. More like she tastes like lemons and sugar,but who's keeping score?

Jane winds her fingers into Cindy's hair, daring to trail her kisses down her chin, drinking in the sound of her quickening breath. Cindy scratches the back of Jane's scalp, sending goosebumps down her skin. She’s so caught up in the smell and taste of her skin that she doesn't notice Cindy's fingertips trailing down the back of her neck. Those fingers trace the edge of her amp port, and a jolt races straight between her legs. Covering her moan with a laugh, Jane takes Cindy's wandering fingers and guides them underneath her shirt instead.

Cindy giggles, sucking on her ear lobe. She caresses her skin, pressing Jane against the door in a way that rattles the latch. They both laugh, trailing their hands, exploring every inch they can reach without removing their clothes. Jane needs this so much. Aching with want, she captures Cindy’s lips again, allowing a small moan to slip between them.

“You feel so good,” Jane whispers, caressing Cindy’s breast in a way that makes her melt.

“Mm.” Cindy grins. “I can make you feel even better, _Jane_.” She flips Jane around, so that her forehead is presses against the door and her ass is putty in her hands.

Jane swears softy, bracing her hands against the door so she doesn’t fall.

Cindy circles her fingers along Jane’s waist band teasingly, sucking on her neck. Jane shivers, knowing it’s going to leave a mark. “I can make you feel so _good_ , Jane.” Pulling the gloves out of her pocket, Cindy slides them on her hands. Her fingers tip toe down Jane’s skin, and her breath catches in her throat.

“You’re being so un _fair_.” Jane can’t find anything to keep her hands busy, so she settles for guiding Cindy’s finger inside her soaked underwear.

“I’ll tell you what’s unfair.” Cindy strokes her with a beckoning finger, her breath ghosting on Shepard’s shoulder. Jane nearly turns into mud right then and there.

And then Cindy’s lips are on her amp.

Jane’s world flashes white. “Nng,” she whimpers, her whole body buzzing with static energy. Her hips grind between Cindy’s hand and her body behind her. It feels _so_ good….

“You can make it up to me later.” Cindy whispers against her skin, and then she’s kissing her amp again, pressing harder into her clit.

Wait. “Mm?” Jane means to use words, but she’s incapable of speech. Her moans come out hoarse as her flesh burns.

“See? I can’t do that. No fucking toy in the _galaxy_ can make me do that.” Cindy presses her teeth into the skin surrounding it. “But you can.”

Instead of coming down slowly after such a high, reality smacks Shepard right in the face. Jane swears under her breath, her fist pounding into the door. She should have fucking _known_. Pressing against the door, Shepard pushes back against Cindy, gaining the leverage she needs to turn around and face her. “Excuse me?” Her words fall like lead.

Cindy blinks at her, one hand still inside her underwear. “You’re a biotic.” She says it with a shy grin.

Shaking with rage, Jane just barely manages to keep her voice level. “Lemme guess. You want to invite me to your next threesome?”

Tucking a curl behind her ear, Cindy laughs once. “Well, now that you mention it….”

“ _Out._ ” Jane slams the door open, stepping out of the way.

“Oh come _on_.” Cindy steps out, folding her arms. “We were having such a _good time_.”

“I am _not_ your fucking hanar with tits.” Jane snarls, and her hair stirs across the back of her neck as her eyes flash blue.

“Jesus.” Cindy backs off, adjusting her shirt. “Don’t be such a freak.” The restroom door slams behind her.

Jane makes eye contact with her reflection, and nearly throws up. She rushes to the sink, splashing cold water on her face, trying to remember how to breathe.

She should have seen the signs. She should have known better than to linger next to Asari toys. She should have known that a biotic would only be wanted for some illicit fantasy. Should have. Should have. Should _have_.

She should get a fucking drink.

Wiping the water from her face, Jace storms out of the restroom, colliding face first with the man outside.

“Commander?” Lieutenant Alenko doesn’t brush himself off, holding out his hand instead. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, Lieutenant.” The words come out automatically.

 Alenko merely quirks an eyebrow. “Want to talk about it?”

“Only if you buy me a drink.” These words also come out before Shepard realizes what she’s saying. Shepard stammers. “I mean, if you want to.”

The lieutenant brightens. “Sure.” He looks at her, then at their surroundings. “Maybe a different place?”

Shepard nods, leading the way to a cafe across the street. Kaidan starts to pull out a chair for her, then thinks better of it and sits in it instead. Sitting down across from him, Shepard eyes the drink menu, then tosses it aside. “Whiskey, straight.”

Kaidan nods, punching in her order along with his own. Shepard downs her glass the moment the server sets it down, motioning for another as she swallows. “Commander?” He looks at her with furrowed brows.

Shepard sets the glass down a little too roughly. “If you're buying me drinks, drop the titles.” She wipes her mouth.

“Sure thing...Jane.”

“Shepard,” she says quickly. “Just Shepard.”

“Shepard.” Kaidan sounds it out carefully, smiling at the sound. “But call me Kaidan. Alenko makes it sound like I’m in trouble.”

“Kaidan.” She whispers it like a secret. “Maybe you are in trouble.” Maybe it's the one, soon to be two drinks in her system, but she's feeling bold. Shepard gestures with her glass “Some people would call this fraternization.”

Kaidan snorts. “We're two officers having an off-duty meeting over drinks.”

“Uh-huh.” Jane takes another hearty gulp, trying to shake the taste of Cindy from her mouth. “I’ll let you explain to Anderson.”

Kaidan starts to laugh, only to frown when she takes another drink. “Comm--Shepard. Shouldn't you slow down a little?”

“Worried I’ll run up your tab?” Jane empties her glass, waving for another.

“No. It's just that you haven't said a word about what happened.”

“Not much to say.” Jane rubs her face. “I made a dumb choice and shit happened.”

Kaidan softens. “Bad date?”

Jane bites her lip, and she feels the blood rushing to her cheeks. “Not sure I’d call it a date.”

“Oh.” Kaidan narrows his eyes as he deciphers her meaning. He flushes when it clicks into place. “Oh….”

Maybe it's the alcohol talking, but maybe it's for the best if the subordinate she's fallen for thinks a little less of her. “Picking up a girl at the adult shop probably wasn't the best idea.”

Kaidan shrugs, fiddling with his glass. “Was she hot?”

“ _God_ , yes.”

Kaidan spews out his beer laughing. “She had to be, to catch your eye.

 “And she had this energy about her…” Jane sighs, taking a smaller sip this time. “But she was looking for a hanar with tits.”

“Shit. What an asshole.” Kadain reaches across the table, squeezing her hand. “I'm sorry that happened.”

A spark jumps between their skin, and Shepard gasps a little at the sensation. Her mind spins in so many bad directions she has trouble keeping up. _Regs. Regs. REGS._ She chants to herself. “Yeah. That uh…” Shepard swallows hard. “That ever happen to you?” His hand is rough, toughened by a life in the service, but his touch is gentle. _REGS. MOTHERFUCKING REGS._

Kaidan clears his throat, but he doesn't move his hand. “No, uh. I don't really do that kind of thing.”

 _Of course, you don't,_ Shepard thinks to herself.

“Not that I'd judge anyone who _did…._ it's just that I usually end up dating friends.”

“Oh.” Shepard tries to remind herself that's a good thing. “Yeah. I can see that.”

Kadain coughs. “Uh, Shepard.” He glances at her hand sheepishly. It's then that she realizes she's been stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.

Shepard jerks her back back, managing to spill what's left of her whiskey. “Shit! Sorry, _Lieutenant.”_ She pushes her chair back, standing up. “I think I might have had too much to drink.”

Kaidan squeezes her shoulder. “Relax, I’m not going to report you for hand holding.” He laughs softly. “Mind if I walk you back to your hotel? _”_

Jane shakes her head. “I think I’ll just sleep in my cabin tonight.”

Paying their tab, Kaidan walks out with her. “You know, I wouldn't mind doing this again sometime, as friends.” There's that sheepish smile again. But there's something different in his demeanor. Like he's waiting for her answer.

Jane walks towards the C-Sec corridor, eyeing him. “You're not worried about regs?”

Kaidan shrugs. “Why would I be? There's nothing to prosecute.”

Jane punches the elevator button. “There is if our friendship influences my command decisions.” _Who are you reminding? You or him?_

“I trust you to do the right thing, Commander.”

“Alright, Lieutenant. But next time, I’m buying.”

 


End file.
